The End of Our Lives

Have you ever thought about what the end will be like? At 36 (ok, 6 days shy of 37) it was not something I thought about much either. Last year a psychic told me that I would not be afraid of dying. She didn't say I would be dying anytime soon but that I would not be afraid when the time came. She asked me enthusiastically "isn't that wonderful?". I wish I could have exclaimed "yes, yippee, definitely, that is the best news I have ever heard". But honestly, I hadn't thought about it much. Not that death had not touched me because it had. My childhood friend Sharon Sokol died of breast cancer a little over a year ago at the age of 36. She was a mom and a sweet, sweet person and I just thought I would take a moment to acknowledge her. And my other friend, A.J. Bruder, an international long distance runner died of lung/brain cancer in the 90's when he was also 36 years old. Now I am 36 so is it coincidence that the reality of death has entered my consciousness? I digress.

6 months ago I had been accepted into an MFA program in creative writing. I was excited to move to another state after 14 years in New York City, but I was called in for a job interview as a coordinator of volunteers for a hospice. By a series of fortuitous events someone had taken my resume and it had landed on the desk of my current employer. I reluctantly went to the interview and had a life altering experience. I heard what one friend called "the whisper on my shoulder". I knew that I wanted to work for hospice. I kept repeating to myself, "April 7, 2005, I know what I want to do with my life".

For those of you who don't know hospice is a philosophy of care for people with terminal illness that came to the U.S. from England. Here in NYC we don't have free standing hospice buildings but we bring our care (doctors, social workers, nurses, spiritual counselors and volunteers) to where the patients are in hospitals, nursing homes and private homes. Hospice staff are specially trained to help with issues that arise at the end of our lives so that people are not unnecessarily hospitalized, under/over medicated or subject to invasive testing or procedures. Our western culture is not one that accepts death as a natural part of our lives. None of us gets out of here alive. Most folk, especially us young ones, don't want to think about it and I totally understand that. But hospice is so important because we really honor the dying process. I don't know about you but I don't want someone sticking me with needles, or undermedicating me or secluding me from loved ones because of an emergency room visit at the time of my departure from this planet. I want to be surrounded by friends, dogs and soothing music to make the transition.

A morbid subject, perhaps, but think about it, it's important. I believe in reincarnation so the subject does not upset me so much...It's a tough one but a good one to consider.

More on this later.