A Month after Amma

I was so excited in my last posting that Amma was on Her way, but I always go into temporary amnesia about how hard She pushes me to grow. It was a DIFFICULT visit. That does not mean have any less faith in Her or that I don't love Her as much as always...just, oy, it was challenging. When I got to the hall where there were thousands of people it seemed like I could only see the people I had difficulties with...it was as if she had turned up the volume on my inner challenges. I felt like I was being bomarded by negativity. I went home and became severely depressed. I kept plodding through though, showing up, doing the best I could to take care of myself and serve. About 7am the last night of her visit, during Devi Bhava (which is when She reveals even more of Her Goddess energy) I finally spoke to someone who had wronged me last year. I'm used to being a doormat. I take a lot c**p from people and I think Amma was saying "wake up, girl" " take care of yourself" "you are my beloved". That was the beginning of a string of phone calls and emails to lots of folks I had "stuff with". Some went very well - resolution, healing, growth, some left me feeling kind of worn, but praise be to Amma I am beginning to get off the floor. I like myself a little bit more. I'm considering more and more that I don't deserve to be mistreated. Amma turns up the heat but the end result is always worth it. That old saying "what doesnt kill us makes us stronger" fits here.

Also, Amma gave me a spiritual name this year. I won't write the name here because i've decided it is a personal connection to Her but it means "without compare". Oh, Amma I love you!

Your daughter,
Rena